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The Collected Poems of Ted Berrigan Page 11


  “He doesn’t know how to take a vacation”

  Dick

  doesn’t know how to take a vacation

  either

  That is not to infer

  that Dick is a toad

  under his Band-aid

  far from it

  a toad is a cold-blooded fellow

  Dick is warm and full of blood

  When you leave, Dick

  turn the refrigerator

  to vacation please

  6

  Now I’m going to read 3 cereal poems:

  CORN FLAKES

  OATMEAL

  RY-KRISP

  thank you

  they were composed

  excuse me

  I mean NOT composed

  using the John-Cage-Animal-Cracker

  Method of Composition

  (this seems to be mushrooming into a

  major work

  of high

  seriousness)

  •

  I’d fight for that!

  (I didn’t have to.)

  7

  True Love

  there is only one way

  to describe

  “True Love”

  does anyone know

  that one way?

  •

  Mr. Nelson Algren

  1958 West Evergreen

  Chicago, Illinois

  •

  In Chicago, Illinois, you

  are really at home

  whether you like it or not, baby,

  and, whether you like it

  or not

  You Are My Friend

  so don’t pees me off!

  8

  Come into my house

  tonight

  Dick

  and I will show you

  this new work

  “House at Night”

  It & this page, there not here, are not the same

  except in a

  manner of

  speaking

  it is not

  “A Portrait of Jean-Marie”

  tho it cd be

  it is also not

  “A Portrait of Barbara Harris”

  whom I don’t know

  though I like her plenty

  she’s a lot like me

  (my own name is

  “Mr. Brigadoon”)

  9

  I am constantly being caught up

  in my own commotion

  it is now a slow commotion

  The radio is turning me on

  10

  Commotion over, clothes in hand I wait

  in Mr. Ron Padgett’s furlined

  bridge-jacket

  who shivers now

  in Paris, Oklahoma

  between Galveston &

  Mobile a word

  incidentally

  invented

  cross that out

  coined

  by Mr. Marcel Duchamp

  to describe a

  lady finger

  11

  it’s too cold in here / but not for me

  in my present balloon state / to write this love song

  “Cold rosy dawn in New York City”

  hovering over the radio

  de-dum

  12

  I woke up this morning

  it was night

  you were on my mind LADY BRETT

  looking for a home

  for the boll weevil

  nothing like that in New York City

  it’s all in Oklahoma

  where you-all

  can learn to talk like me

  if “you-all” is Mr.

  Ron Padgett, “The

  American Express”

  13

  He’s a good friend of mine

  although he fears he is unable to love

  people

  who have politesse

  whatever that may be

  thanks anyway, Frank

  you’re not without con brio

  n’es ca’fe?

  (thanks, Ed)

  14

  I quote

  from “The Code of the West”

  a work

  by Mr. Ed Sanders

  whose “Poem From Jail”

  I highly recommend

  On second thought

  I quote instead

  This work

  by Mr. Marcel Duchamp

  which

  oddly enough

  I also give high recommendation

  15

  THE CODE OF THE WEST

  1. Sob when you read “Black Beauty.”

  2. The true test of a man is a bunt.

  3. Dare to do your duty.

  4. Press the tip of the tongue on the gums

  behind the upper teeth as for t, and expel

  the breath with vibrations of the vocal cords.

  5. He went to the windows of those who slept

  and over each pain like a fairy wept.

  6. Halt!

  7. Loosen your snood.

  8. Close your eyes and doze.

  9. Jove! Jove! This shepherd’s passion

  is much upon my fashion!

  10. Drill.

  16

  you know

  once people paid no attention to me

  Mayakovsky

  in the garden of my memory

  & now

  passion’s flower

  wilts

  constantly

  because

  my lady love is a Holy Roller!

  her body is a sponge

  it has no mud

  Tonight’s heat

  will dry that mud

  and it will fall into dust

  I’m ready for it

  the body I mean

  not the dust

  however if you are in the dust

  kindly hop into this tub of black water please

  now hand me that quail

  lean me against the belly of a woman

  (you are that woman)

  17

  knock on the door of her house

  knock-knock

  the sun is out

  river flowing in a window

  a geranium trembling automobile

  droning

  across the screen

  Turn back to look

  you don’t see

  the door open

  you are standing there

  I mean

  I am sitting here

  between the door

  to a world full of others

  like yourselves

  and the droning solitude of this here Los Angeles

  Freeway

  •

  How to get off?

  18

  Hi, Bears!

  do you believe in magic?

  good!

  because I am here

  to make a monkey out of you

  The best way

  to make yrself a monkey

  is to jump down

  (spin around)

  pick a bale of cotton

  if you don’t understand

  that

  you will never understand

  your country’s history

  1000 volumes a year

  ooze from the minds

  of dead monkeys

  and yet

  we are still too dull

  to understand

  them

  or that

  it is not at all unpleasant

  to be kissed by a monkey

  if you are a monkey

  I am not a monkey

  I do not have a monkey on my back

  I am not a monkey’s uncle

  turn page

  19

  Only a monkey would read this

  THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF FLIES

  over 250 flies

  photographed

  in living color

  These 250 flies were tied “up”

  executed

  by hand

  Not
my hand

  The Little Sisters

  20

  There are no flies on me, New York City

  oh

  21

  There are, however,

  two sorts of landscapes here

  the interior

  and

  the exterior

  as well as the other

  which we will not go into here

  22

  One song I have always liked

  is

  “Hope you Happy Monkey”

  that’s the truth

  by Ruth Krauss

  23

  There you are

  There I go

  past The Majestic Men’s Clothes

  slightly disheveled

  is a nice phrase

  it has impact

  like the three pricks

  Alice gave

  Joe Gould

  in 1933

  MOTHER

  that’s Alice’s idea of Wonderland

  24

  She happens to be a sex expert, among other things

  if you are squeamish I’d better not tell you

  WHAT other things . . .

  “How did Red China get the ‘O’ bomb?”

  no one knows

  No one will ever know

  because no one

  is a tautology

  let’s have no truck

  with tautologies

  25

  This poem

  has no truck

  although it does provide

  a sort of Reader’s Digest

  of Oriental sex practices

  under the sheets

  Who threw the panties into

  Mother’s tea

  is a good example of one

  of the many unanswered questions

  life provides

  Where did the beautiful

  British secret agent

  lose his nightie

  is another

  it was not a majestic nightie

  nor was it a man’s nightie

  unless of course

  the Beautiful British

  secret agent

  was a female impersonator

  Perhaps that was his secret

  There has always been a

  quick turnover

  among British secret agents

  Look! there goes one now

  26

  I am here today a gentleman

  with time on my hands

  you are in my heart

  during

  The Four Seasons

  which are

  1. springtime

  2. bedtime

  and so on

  27

  There is a revolution going on in my skin

  I have the gift of young skin

  no pimples

  which is why I am here today

  I would like to introduce myself

  However

  it will be better

  between us

  if I don’t cheat

  The victory is not always to the sweet

  so keep on the ball, buddy, i.e.

  I mean “the button”

  28

  COME ALIVE

  Meet Me At The Smoke Ring

  (Get Your Piles Out of Vietnam

  Let’s Love One Another)

  (Equality for Homosexuals)

  YES

  SUCK

  Stand Up For Dikes

  Commemorating The Visit

  of Pope Paul X We Won’t Go

  to NYC

  1965 I’m for Legalized

  Abortion

  NO MAN IS GOOD THREE TIMES

  29

  Life certainly is marvelous

  When you’re in love

  isn’t it?

  Consequently, it is important

  to be in love

  most all the time

  but not all of the time

  When you are in love

  all of the time

  you get bored because

  life

  when it’s always the same

  is boring

  isn’t it?

  that’s a strange theory

  30

  it’s a theory of strange

  I am in love

  right now. I am in love with

  (fill in name of person in room)

  see me about this later, ( )

  I am not in love with Mr. Walter Steck

  He was or

  was not

  recently elected

  to the assembly

  Just for the record I found Mr. Walter Steck

  recently

  at five o’clock in the afternoon

  on García Lorca’s birthday

  lying in the gutter

  on his button shame

  31

  O ship of states

  Sail on, O allegorical poem

  32

  Branching out

  shooting all night

  he grounded

  himself

  on the button

  33

  so here

  you stand

  hitting upon things

  you hadn’t thought upon

  when you get into the pictures

  you wake up

  inside an oval

  portrait

  I mean a woman

  A beautiful reminder sitting on a line

  It could be a steamship line or even a ferry line

  34

  Life is Never boring when you are Tarzan of the Apes

  e.g. You step out from behind a bush

  and you say

  “Yes, I am M’sieur Tarzan”

  35

  Dick Gallup arrives at this point

  and says

  “Life is Boring”

  36

  Jacques-Louis David is crying in his crib

  he is not bored

  Jane has given him a banana

  37

  Dick reads those lines

  they bore him

  but I laugh plenty

  38

  David is sobbing bitterly

  in the jungle

  “Shut up

  or I’ll kill you,” etc.

  He doesn’t want to

  39

  He wants the white

  tempera

  paint

  with which I am painting out the words

  in this here comic book

  “Tarzan of the Apes”

  so that I can “fill in the words”

  40

  “The Words” is a good book

  is is the autobiography of Mr. Jean-Paul Sartre

  from age zero to ten

  In it

  he tells what a little shit he was.

  “I’m going doo-doo” says Jacques-Louis David

  we have words

  and he falls into sleep

  41

  Life is long

  it’s sure been a long Times

  crossword puzzle

  since I last

  was here

  That Spring of ’65

  that was

  That was my best year

  that was also a good year for

  Dancers

  Buildings and

  People in the Street

  in the cell block

  a boy

  invented

  the mahogany cage

  before he rested

  The climate became a song

  Crowds disperse my

  purpose

  my great calm

  Dim lights

  turn me down

  the radio parts

  the curly hair

  me on the floor

  saying

  42

  “Go now

  and get me a vast Band-aid”

  43

  I’m sitting here thinking that these words that I have been

  borrowing from Mr. James “The Rock” Proust & son


  should stretch to the end of at least one

  period in my life.

  They did.

  44

  “What I really like is new girls to fuck.”

  that’s a good line

  it was said by Dick Gallup

  who let it drop there

  that to be explained later

  in the backroom

  of The Peace Eye

  that’s all I know

  45

  Cow a is not Cow b

  Dick

  Count Korzybski said that

  that Polish cocksucker

  is what a drunk called HIM

  He didn’t mean Korzybski

  though

  He’d never heard of Him

  I don’t know what he meant

  I was drunk

  He was speaking Polish

  He didn’t dig Counts

  That’s a fact

  46

  According to FACT

  William Burroughs

  studied under

  that Polish cocksucker

  in Chicago

  I’ve always admired Count Korzybski

  and, in fact, I’ve always admired William Burroughs

  Hi Bill!

  I do not, however, admire FACT Magazine

  because it costs too much money

  and probably for other reasons

  too vague to be present

  47

  dot dot dot

  48

  Listen

  Is there a Pseudotsuga Menziesii

  in your house?

  if so, there is

  nothing to worry about

  it would be hard to find

  a house

  in America

  where Pseudotsuga Menziesii isn’t

  all over the goddam place

  it has a lovely talent

  49

  cross something out here

  50

  Imagine yourself

  driving on a super highway

  with your friend

  Mr. Bob Harris

  besides being a genius

  he is also a perennial

  problem child

  who mooches off his friends

  sleeps with any available women

  ignores his children

  and smokes ceaselessly

  like yourself

  you may have to stop often

  to relieve yourself

  because your friend

  suffers

  from a terrible disease previously unmentioned

  but not in this poem

  nor by anyone whom you have ever known

  in this vale of tears

  51

  back on the freeway the cars pass

  over your eyes ears nose and throat and hairs

  no interviews no photographs

  no autographs

  in this dream

  which is so realistic

  you can almost hear my voice

  at your ear

  which is on the level of your back,

  dear

  52

  Fish and Cheep Pet Shoppe

  The Pioneer

  Block Drug Manhattan

  Fox’s Corner

  Martha’s

  are all places I have never visited

  though I keep meaning to

  53

  Italy is a boot in the atlas

  The snowball centuries rolling

  collect only the tiny footprints of

  hens

  the burning bush attracts

  the hen

  One comes to take one’s

  place in the sun, only

  to smother inside the

  hide of a hen

  54

  COME IN!

  Hello Lee Mr. Lee Crabtree